Meet our extraordinary guest for the day, Dr. Laura Carr, a mental health advocate, who is ready to unravel her story of resilience. Laura's tale is one of triumph over adversity, overcoming a difficult childhood and a tumultuous family dynamic, amplified by her mother's struggle with mental health and financial hardships. Her journey to success is a beacon of hope for anyone facing personal or professional struggles, providing a real-life testament to the power of tenacity and inner strength.
We take a deep dive with Laura into her intriguing journey through the world of dentistry. From discovering her passion at an early age, to overcoming hurdles in dental education due to dyslexia and a discouraging feedback culture, her story is a compelling mix of sheer dedication, hard grit and resilience. The discussion further explores the challenging aspect of running a dental practice, balancing the needs of patients against the pressures of business, and provides a unique perspective on the importance of fostering supportive relationships and a healthy work environment within the dental industry.
But that's not all. We tread into the darker corners of Laura's life, shedding light on her experiences with medication, hospitalization, and the impact of her intense mental health state. Yet, amidst these adversities, Laura's story is far from a tale of despair. Emphasizing the significance of mental health strategies like meditation and yoga, her journey is a testament to healing, positivity and personal growth. Join us on this inspiring expedition as we conclude our series celebrating Laura's remarkable resilience, strength, and her triumph against all odds.
Meet our extraordinary guest for the day, Dr. Laura Carr, a mental health advocate, who is ready to unravel her story of resilience. Laura's tale is one of triumph over adversity, overcoming a difficult childhood and a tumultuous family dynamic, amplified by her mother's struggle with mental health and financial hardships. Her journey to success is a beacon of hope for anyone facing personal or professional struggles, providing a real-life testament to the power of tenacity and inner strength.
We take a deep dive with Laura into her intriguing journey through the world of dentistry. From discovering her passion at an early age, to overcoming hurdles in dental education due to dyslexia and a discouraging feedback culture, her story is a compelling mix of sheer dedication, hard grit and resilience. The discussion further explores the challenging aspect of running a dental practice, balancing the needs of patients against the pressures of business, and provides a unique perspective on the importance of fostering supportive relationships and a healthy work environment within the dental industry.
But that's not all. We tread into the darker corners of Laura's life, shedding light on her experiences with medication, hospitalization, and the impact of her intense mental health state. Yet, amidst these adversities, Laura's story is far from a tale of despair. Emphasizing the significance of mental health strategies like meditation and yoga, her journey is a testament to healing, positivity and personal growth. Join us on this inspiring expedition as we conclude our series celebrating Laura's remarkable resilience, strength, and her triumph against all odds.
Hi everyone. Welcome to episode 14. It's the final episode of the series of my podcast called the Diary of a Dental Coach. On Monday we had the interim Chief Dental Officer, jason Wong, talk about the current state of NHS dentistry we journeyed through, about how things went during the pandemic and where he sees the future a really, really inspirational guy. I actually really really want him to take the role on full time. So our final, final guest on this podcast is Dr Laura Carr. Welcome to the show, hiya. Thanks for joining us. So obviously I've heard a lot about your story, especially your struggles with mental health and how you've become now, and obviously we're just joking before about how you're always jet setting to different places and enjoying life, which is amazing. So tell us about yourself. Where were you?
Speaker 2:born I was. Oh, it's gone off.
Speaker 1:It's on.
Speaker 2:Is it on?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, that's me and my tech skills. So anybody that's watching that knows me knows that I'm crap with technology Absolutely rubbish and so I apologize. So I was born in Ellen in West Yorkshire, in the round ward for those who know the area, because I know there's a lot of locals that will be watching in Halifax General Hospital, as it was in those days, and I'm lucky or stupid to be continued to work in that same town that I was born or grew up, the town that grew up in. So yeah, yorkshire, born and bred, I'm afraid.
Speaker 1:Excellent, and tell us about your childhood, because you had quite a difficult childhood.
Speaker 2:Yeah where to start really my mum and dad had four. There's four of us, so hi to all the other siblings that are probably watching.
Speaker 1:So you're the eldest, or?
Speaker 2:I'm the eldest. I'm the eldest and there's a sister behind me, Claire, my little sister, Alison, who was actually a dental nurse as well and she's I'm lucky that she's worked with me for a long time and I'd say, out of all the siblings I'm sure the others know that Alison and I just clicked, and I'm sure other people who are from big families the closest to one, and Alison's been a great friend and my rocker time Are you quite motherly?
Speaker 1:The eldest person tends to be quite motherly to the younger one.
Speaker 2:I had to be and it actually probably came quite naturally. And then there's a brother at the end as well, richard, very clever brother at the end, who was at his own struggles. So yeah, I was. I probably was more maternal then than my poor son had when I had him, because I felt I'd done it all, I'd done it all, I'd been the mum in that household and I'd been there and done it also. Bless him. James has partly dragged himself up with his socks, so I can say that now is 18.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so tell us about your childhood.
Speaker 2:It was tricky. My dad worked he was a playing field officer and he worked really really hard and my mum was at home on her own. They had both actually come from down south. So my mum was from Essex and my dad's family was from Devonshire and you're talking about a time when there was we didn't have a telephone in the house. My dad's parents lived seven miles away but in that bit of West Yorkshire where we lived at the time it was quite rural, so the bus services absolutely useless, no trains, taxes virtually unheard of. It's hard to think of it now when we're all connected to our mobile phones all the time. So my mum's family lived down in Essex and her contact was through a phone box. There wasn't much money around and it was really tricky and I can see how my mum struggled because she had at one time four children under the age of six and a mental health sadly deteriorated and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was about six years old and my brother had not far off been born at that time.
Speaker 2:It was really really tough. My memories of that my mum crying a lot, she was in and out of the psychiatric unit and mental health issues were not accepted very well at that time. We weren't allowed to tell any of our friends about it, which was really difficult as a child thinking. Why we're not allowed to tell anyone about that? Why is it such a secret? What's so bad about it? Because as a child, it's the same as any other physical illness to you. You can't understand the difference, and yet it was. There was a great stigma attached to it.
Speaker 1:I think it's interesting that age as well, because they say between zero and seven is when your subconscious mind is formed, so a lot of your subconscious thoughts. And if, as a child, you're having to, suppose, act like an adult or trying to cope with traumatic situations around you, it's inevitable to affect. And one thing we sort of disregard is the impact of childhood trauma has on your adult life and probably forever. But obviously the thing that resonates with me that I can clearly tell is you understand and you have that self awareness, got help and realized your own weaknesses perhaps and thought you know what I'm going to make them into a strength and it's a credit to you for coming on today and being open about this and talking about this.
Speaker 2:I was going to say that. Actually, sorry to interrupt you, but I was going to say it's not weakness, I'm really strong, I am really, really, really strong. So someone who's been to rock bottom is often the person who kept going, kept going, kept going, kept going, kept going until they've broken. And, as I said to you before, I'm actually quite confident about things. You know, that's why I don't mind discussing these topics, which I think are really important, because if I open up, I feel like someone else might feel that they can.
Speaker 1:It's fantastic. So tell us about, because you mentioned, obviously, your childhood being at home. You also mentioned that you were actually bullied at school as well. Is that right?
Speaker 2:Oh, terrible. So my dad, bless him, was under a lot of pressure and I don't want to be disrespectful to him because he had a lot of pressure on his hands and he kept us together as a family and we stayed at home with him. So my mum left when I was 12. My dad could have violent outbursts and quite a big temper. I think on the back of that I'm also people probably don't realise but actually very sensitive, very sensitive to light, very sensitive to sound, probably on the spectrum somewhere, not socially, but all those little things that are a little bit near or diverse, so things that probably would have not affected another child. I took things to heart quite a lot and I think probably I was always going to be told but you can't see here, but I'm six foot one.
Speaker 2:So I'm not a little person and that was awkward growing up because I wanted to. Really my personality was wanting to fade into the background. I was six foot one. I had size nine feet, which you couldn't get girls shoes and there's a lot of things about gender and I want to be a pink, pretty one in the nice dress and that was virtually impossible in those days because it wasn't going to happen. I was the wrong size and I put on a lot of weight when my mum left, I think maybe a little bit before that, probably in hindsight, to grow, I think there's a stage where we're all are insulin resistant and you'll see it in your young teenagers. They put weight around the middle and then, like my son is now six foot five, it's got to come from somewhere and the bullying at school was incessant about me being overweight and fat and I had very few friends my friend, you might be listening, so I wouldn't have said I had a lot of friends at school.
Speaker 2:I didn't really fit in. I lived quite away from where my high school was. I was a bit of a girly swap. So I went home, did my homework straight away. It was expected that I would do the washing the ironing. If the washing it wasn't done, the plates hit the wall literally because my dad's temper looking after four children being the main breadwinner. The pressures were huge at that time and we didn't have family nearby to help out and I think they say it takes a village, doesn't it, to grow a child, and it really does. You need that extra support and we just never had it. The social services didn't help, Nobody helped and it really really was hard work. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So the bullying I mean, you said it was incessant and it was continuous- it was awful. How did that impact you? Was that during your teenagers?
Speaker 2:Oh, during teenagers Horrific. Not much really Was that verbal?
Speaker 1:Was it physical? What kind of bullying was it? It?
Speaker 2:was verbal but I can remember being punched by one of the lads at school on the school bus and I think because there was a bit of physical violence at home, I'd learned to put up with things and never speak out actually and I made very light of it and the bullying, because I can remember a teacher saying you can't be happy with that and I really made light of it. But all the time keeping all this in and never really You're not that self aware as a teenager. You know it hurts but you just have to get on with it and so I threw myself into my studies, which I also think there was dyslexia in our family. My dad was severely dyslexic, which I helped him get a diagnosis when he was about 56. I think he was bullied at school as well and I think probably I moderately dyslexic, my son's moderate to severely dyslexic. I haven't been diagnosed. Like I say, I think I'm probably on the spectrum.
Speaker 2:I'm quite hyper mobile in my joints. I had a lot of joint pain as well, couldn't really exercise, would always try really hard at sports. Never got on well with it because for my joints to work my muscles have been working really hard. So joint mobility, hyper mobility. That was never diagnosed, really, and just being I was just really miserable a lot of the time. But you were in the thick of it, you don't realise, because I just was getting on with it. You know, you, just I wouldn't have complained, I wouldn't have moaned Saving graces.
Speaker 2:I had a few with us. I had my maternal grandmother Absolutely wonderful, what a brilliant woman and she was wonderful. We would escape there as often as we could, my sisters and I to, and it was the rest. And actually I enjoyed helping her out, because at home I had to do it At the arrow. She was appreciative, you know, so we would help her out as much as we could and she was wonderful with us. She really, really was. And I was a girl guide, a brownie guide, and I got on well with the leaders. I got on well with the teachers at school, probably better than the kids in many ways, and I think that was just because I was expected to be an adult and I fitted in better with the adult conversation.
Speaker 1:Brilliant. So you know, looking back and reflecting, what do you think people can do in terms of help dealing with the bullies? Do you reflect on that thing? And I could have handled it differently. You think they did quite well.
Speaker 2:I think, I think people, parents need to say to the kids look, if somebody's been bullied, we need to know, and if it's you, we need to know and speak, speak out. And especially when teenage girls are so nasty I hear this all the time from parents of kids. They can be so nasty and the thing is we didn't have social media, we didn't have all those things that now are there, that you know imaginary bullying. To me, you know, at least you can turn your laptop off, but these kids are very, very badly affected by it and, yeah, they need to speak out definitely.
Speaker 1:So tell us, obviously, going through this turbulent childhood, dealing with, obviously, your mum having schizophrenia, your dad obviously you know lashing out sometimes, etc. And then you had the bullying as well how did you obviously you spent all these? You said you focused on your studies how did you, how did you manage to maintain that?
Speaker 2:I have got no idea. So I literally would get in from school when we were allowed to go home. We'd had a child minded for a while and there was. I don't want to say too much because they might be listening as well, but I can remember her smallest son would like jump on the middle of your back and that was okay. There wasn't any safety I had in like there is now there were.
Speaker 2:You know things were not good and I think some of the regulations we all get a bit sick of it, but sometimes those things are in a position for a reason and I think those things would now be flagged up. But then it was just you just go on with it.
Speaker 1:So have you seen to do dentistry? When did that come about?
Speaker 2:Age 10.
Speaker 1:Wow, I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:Before that I knew I was bright. I can remember doing exams like what would be year five, now primary school, and the other thing I've got is a fantastic memory, unfortunately, or fortunately so, age year five, and I can remember being 10th in the class and I was one of the youngest, but I knew I was bright. I knew I was bright from being really young and I know when I've had psychiatric illness I've said to them do you know? All I wanted to be was clever. And you lot are messing with my brain with all these occasions, because when you are bright and you switched on, you don't want that switching off. So I think the fact that I was bright was my saving grace. Close, you do think that everyone else is the same as you. You do not realise your potential.
Speaker 2:You're done? Not at all. You think everybody is at the same level and clearly they're not. But I didn't know that and I did really well until it got to A levels In fact, gcse, I didn't really know that you had to revise. I didn't really know what revising was. Nobody told you what revising was.
Speaker 1:So you're interested in dentistry. Was that an experience when you went to a dentist? How did?
Speaker 2:that happen All I'd had. I'd had five teeth out in one day, which if you tried to do that to a child these days, they'd probably kick off at you Under local a really nice guy called Mr Hurst, and I kind of didn't realise I was never that bothered by medical stuff. You know, I'd had to have my tonsils out when I was about five and I can remember being okay with it. So I had five teeth out in one day which, as we know, that's not easy to do on most children, and I was at primary school, so I was little and these were adult teeth. My teeth came through. I think we've been tall. Everything happened early and I had these teeth out and I had a removable brace top and I didn't like it because I used to suck my thumb. So and the dentist eventually switched to a lady and she took it off me because the siblings grass me up that I used to take my brace out all the time to suck my thumb and so she took it off me, but actually I'm sure they were off.
Speaker 2:Don't just watch. You will criticise my inclusion, but actually I think it's all right and I've got away with it. So, but that's where it came from.
Speaker 1:Where did you study? Where did you graduate?
Speaker 2:Newcastle, 1998. And, honestly, the best, the best time of my life. I'm sure you can remember me writing on the bottom of when Grant was doing his podcast that I think dent, the dental degree at that time was like military training for your brain. It was, it was harsh. It really, really, really, really was harsh. If you did not get that grade you had to reset. So I reset anatomy actually and got 96% the second time. So I had to reset anatomy because I didn't. I didn't pass that. And the other thing that I did really badly was in was A levels. I did really really badly. So I got two C's, a D and an E, which at that time people only did three A levels. But I did physics in a year. I did physics GCSE in a year and then physics A level in a year and I can remember the physics teacher who used to mark papers saying I don't really know how you got that E in that AS physics because I obviously had done so badly. So A levels were not my friend. I really struggled.
Speaker 2:I think it's part and parcel of the dyslexia big volumes of revision, not good for me, and our only meeting was reading, going to a library and reading you didn't have. Nowadays, I know with my son everything is lectures, all recorded. You can watch them anytime. Everything's on YouTube, bbc have bite size. There's lots and lots of resources. Now we didn't have any. Really, it was get your ass to the library, excuse me swearing and we had to work really, really hard. Denty Street was flipping hard work but at the same time it was the best time of my life. It really was.
Speaker 1:I escaped from home At the end of it, you felt confident enough to do the job and felt confident that you could go out there, and I think you did.
Speaker 2:But I think you get when you get out there and ask I can still remember that first year of VT and I went over actually to work in the Lake District with my first couple of jobs. So I worked in Workington and I worked in Windermere my first job. I really struggled. I think all the trauma from before. As a VT you're going to get criticism and I struggled with that actually and I think at dental school the negative feedback is so negative that we're not used to accepting it and in other professions they're used to getting negative feedback and we're our own worst critics whether we like it or not.
Speaker 1:We'll get onto it a bit later that I do sedation and I'll watch other dentists work and I think it's an interesting topic because I probably had a similar experience about the negativity and I think things have evolved now in terms of feedback, because you have to do a little bit say praise someone before you can say something negative, Rather than just focus on the negatives. And I think it's very important, especially when you're starting out, and some of us may already suffer from imposter syndrome or not confident or not sure about something, and it's not helpful when you're out there, perhaps, or even at university, that the feedback you're getting is just about the things you did wrong kind of thing. And I think it's important that we well personally, I feel passionate about adopting a sort of coaching culture, so it's about giving someone speed but then saying look, we can help you get better. We're not here to criticize you or make you feel bad, we're here to just get you to the level that we need you to be at. And if it's worded in that way where the person feels empowered by it, then I think it's really, really important.
Speaker 1:But if you keep bringing someone down and keep negative, they're criticizing them. That can obviously have devastating impact on them forever sometimes, Because obviously we internalize everything that anyone says to us. So negative feedback is negative energy. Then we internalize that and it makes us feel inadequate or we're not good enough for whatever, Whereas that might not have been the intention of the person giving the feedback. So I think there needs to be more empathy involved in understanding that obviously when you're at the start of the journey you are learning and you do so for those knocks, and some people can take them because mentally they're resilient, but others it kind of knocks them further.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that VT job. I don't think they could understand why I was going, but I was going because there were quite a few occasions where the VT trainer had been.
Speaker 2:I mean, nasty is maybe the wrong word, but I took it quite personally and at the end of the day, you're really trying to do your best, and some of it was about the business of dentistry, which you've touched upon before. We're not taught about it. We're expected to go out there and be businessmen and women and we have got literally no idea. We sell a grant, touched on it as well, the way we get paid. It's still a cottage industry and actually that is really hard because sometimes you don't want to charge that patient, but you've got to, especially in this day and age when there's somebody behind you who owns the practice and the bills are now so huge and the materials are so expensive that you as an associate, as a young associate, you've got no choice and I think I think that's the thing that you've got this balance of obviously wanting to do the best for your patients and the oral health and just focusing on the dentistry and the clinical aspect.
Speaker 1:But underlying everything is, or underpinning everything that you do, there is this monetary or business aspect to it. And I suppose in VT, when you're a salary, you're not thinking about these things. You're thinking, well, okay, I get the same money, I just do my job and go home. And obviously NHS, I'm thinking about moving towards a salary model.
Speaker 1:But, like you said, I think when you're an associate or when you're a practice owner, you're looking at the monetary value of every interaction and obviously all the time, practice owners are looking at how much are you grossing, how much are you making for the practice? Is it still viable, is it still making your money? And obviously, at the same time, you've got the NHS practices looking at how much UDAs you're delivering and how much units of activity. So there's already a big monetary pressure as well as productivity pressure on a dentist, without them even realizing this. Even though we just go in there and wanting to focus on doing a good job and helping our patient, in the background there's always people watching looking at what you're doing and seeing what you're doing for the business on a long term kind of basis.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And my little sister again is working with our young dentist in our practice and she'll just come and get me and I see her at the door and I know that she thinks that Keaton needs me and she's very discreet about it and she's an experienced nurse and she's a mum and she's got all those other things and I think having a nurse that supports you, who's not reporting back to the boss as such, but it's going to make sure that the patient's always okay, that everything's alright. And again, that mentoring, I love it. I love the mentoring side of things.
Speaker 1:I think it's an interesting dynamic that I found difficult to get used to as well is and I perhaps don't like it obviously, and I've mentioned it before, and I'm quite open about the fact that I don't think nurses are given the recognition they've- over the page and in terms of the importance and the value they add to a practice and the amount of things that are on it behind the scenes.
Speaker 1:And how much they really actually help in terms of the revenue, because they're actually the people not selling it, but they're the people that are actually promoting the dentist in the room. And I think a lot of dentists know that and that's why they want the same nurse sometimes or they choose certain people because they know that the nurse has a huge, huge importance. But one of the things that's difficult to deal with as a dentist and one of the things like obviously my wife's the GP and it's difficult, but one of the things is obviously, as a dentist, you're in the same room with this person all day, so they see the good, the bad, the ugly, when it goes well, when it doesn't go well, when you're in a mood, when they're not, and vice versa. So that relationship is so, so important. It's really really crucial to get that relationship right and I think a lot of dentists don't focus on that, but I think that having the right people around you will help you because it'll help you perform and vice versa.
Speaker 1:But one of the, I'd say, the dynamics in the practices the staff obviously most of the time are very loyal to the owners, because the owners pay the wages, in essence, and that can cause a bit of a problem too, because as an associate, you're thinking are they going to be reporting back this, are they going to be?
Speaker 1:Do I trust this person, etc. And it's a very, very difficult psychological battle Because I think you know even dentistry itself. When you're talking to patients it's like a backboxing match. People don't understand that, but sometimes it is because that you don't know what, where they've come from, what psychological or mental state they're in and you don't know what's just happened in your day or what's going on. So when you come together and say you know, you know yourself, when you get a difficult patient and they're having a bad day and you're having a good day, it's fine. But when they're having a bad day, you're having a bad day, everyone's having a bad day. It can lead to massive, massive problems. And that's why I think it's really important for the dental team to work as a team and we should all be on the same side. Really, and especially when you're, when you're working together, you have to have that trust and connection with each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So when we're on the practice, my girls knew and actually my greatest thing is if, if they would go and leave and do whatever they wanted to do, and especially because I'm very much, as we've spoken about previously, that I'm all for women in dentistry, because I think it's difficult for us and it's difficult for nurses and I always want to bring those women up and put them out into the world and for them to be the best they can be because of what my training with them. One of my nurses who was probably watching, who was not a nurse anymore, she went and was a paramedics assistant bless her in COVID, but I was so proud of her. She'd been a sedation nurse of mine and and went out and she was a paramedic in COVID and how wonderful that she did that. I know it was really tough if you're watching Catherine, but I was really really proud of it.
Speaker 1:And those women who worked for me knew the new, where my loyalty was, and the new that I would back them to the hill and important isn't it Expressing oh, massive as well gratitude, appreciation, feeling valued, supported, empowered and also having their best interests not your best interests or your business interests at heart, and I think it's really, really important that you always try to maintain that neutrality, like I want the best for you and I always, even everyone who I work with. I always, I've always, wanted to do this, and why don't you go do it while stopping you Definitely?
Speaker 2:to give them the confidence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, she just sort of you know, and whatever their goals, I always try to sort of encourage them towards like thinking look, it's not the be all end all, you don't have to do what you're doing, I get that you know, and obviously try and coach them through that. So tell us about obviously early on. When did you like I know obviously you said you did some from mental, pro mental illness throughout your childhood? When was it that in your professional I was totally fine?
Speaker 2:So growing up, completely fine, managed all that, dealt with my mum leaving and actually the only contact we had with my mum was either via letter or telephone call and it was really difficult because she was poorly. She was. She's blessed them both. They both passed away and my mum was a very, very kind person. And what I said to you about I think the people who become severely mentally mentally ill are often the very nicest of people who've soldiered on for so long and eventually the break. And I really do believe with my mum that's what happened. She had her own childhood trauma, so my grandfather had died by suicide. He was an inspector in the police. My grandmother had remarried and my mum had watched him commit domestic violence towards her and she'd seen a lot of it and it was later in her life that she shared a lot of that with me.
Speaker 2:Later on, after my dad passed away, me and my mum and my little sister got back in touch with each other and we used to go and see her and she would say things about what, what went on at home, her watching my dad sometimes lash out at her children. She was a very soft, gentle, kind person and I just don't think there was 14 years difference. He was 14 years older than her, he was stronger, he had a way with words. He would take over conversation To the outside world very gentlemanly, the people that worked with him. He was great as a boss, apparently. But my poor mother she had. She kept finances away from us so she had no money to get away. She had no transport, no car, no telephone. Her parents were hundreds and hundreds of miles away, which may as well have been in another country at that time. So my poor mother, my mental health issues after my son was born in 2005. So I'd had an okay relationship with my dad. Actually I'd kind of forgiven a lot of what went on and, like I said, just got on with it. To be smacked as a child, even quite in a strong way, was not that unusual in the 1970s. I can remember being smacked at school in the early 80s and I can remember thinking to myself when I was smacked at school actually that's nothing laughing and getting called back and being smacked again and that was acceptable in those days, horrific.
Speaker 2:And so when James was born in 2005, there was a lot going on at my house. We're having restructuring done and as you do when you're having a baby, because why not? And there was an argument in my garden. I'd been put on seven days bed rest. This strong woman had had her baby at home because she didn't like hospitals no pain relief, no gas in air, no paracetamol, nothing. And I'd had quite a major hemorrhage and the midwife was a private midwife and she put me to bed. Bless her socks. God rest her soul because she's no longer with us. But she was magnificent. Her birthday was on James's birthday. She got home at midnight on that night.
Speaker 2:Three days later my dad decided there was this argument. He wasn't going to speak to me ever again. I tried my best. At the time he was a patient of mine at the practice, so I got the practice manager to ring him and say look, laura's happy for you to see somebody else if you don't want to speak to her. I think. Cards, presents, Christmases and birthdays photographs.
Speaker 2:My dad, unbeknown to me, had bowel obstruction which wasn't found until it was too late really. So we were at Manchester Airport which is now my second home, as you know and we were on our way to Dominican Republic, at which point I'd had a glass of champagne, so I wasn't really happy about driving. So my little sister, bless her, was coming to fetch me. Only the M62 got closed. So you know that tonight I was saying, hmm, not sure it will happen at eight o'clock because the M62, so on that particular occasion I couldn't get back. It was on ICU. I didn't find out until seven o'clock at night, apparently being in pain all day, but because we weren't speaking and I might have been able to intervene but we weren't in touch. I tried my best to get back in touch with him. It never happened and the switches machine off as I walked on the plane to Dominican Republic.
Speaker 2:I was fine for two weeks but I wasn't really sleeping. In fact I hadn't really slept at all. So but I just thought it was jet lagged. I felt okay, actually came back and we were empty in the house and I found photographs of me really overweight, which really upset me. I think I found in his wardrobe the presence and the cards, not even unwrapped, all in the bottom of his wardrobe. My sister organised a funeral and she organised it how she wanted to and it wasn't what I would have chosen.
Speaker 2:And I still wasn't sleeping and I was having these flashbacks of when I was little and I said to you before, I'm quite sensitive, so I also used to suffer really badly with travel sickness. So I was having, I'd start to fall asleep and I would be dreaming that I was in the back of the car feeling sick and various things. So I was having these flashbacks of my childhood and by that point I'd not, by the time it, crescendoed. I'd not eaten for seven days, I'd not slept for seven days. I was having all these flashbacks and eventually friends intervened and it was suggested that they decided to call an ambulance. But because I'd visited my mum on the psychiatric unit and I don't do hospitals I knew where they were trying to take me and I just didn't want to go.
Speaker 1:So this was probably a trigger, was it?
Speaker 2:Oh, the death, I think, my dad not speaking to me. I found it a real struggle in my brain about this man who loved me, who'd beaten the shit out of me basically bless him who had kept this family together, who in many ways had been very proud of me for how successful I'd been at university and getting my degree, and then not spoken to me for five years and I'd really tried to help him. I didn't stuff at home, I'd really tried to help him. My grandmother had been ill. I'd really tried to help and it was like he'd just closed me off. I think he had his own mental health issues which we'll never know about, but I think it's really, really important obviously your parents, because, even whatever stage in life, your parents are like the people you always turned to for support.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I never had that really. And everything, and obviously not having that or you trying to get that and not always managing that can be really difficult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'd always managed, I'd always been the one who could sort everything out and I did everything at home. So my ex-husband we were married. Well, we were together for 20 years. We met at university and we've got our beautiful James. He was working shifts. I owned the practice. The other thing that had happened is my lovely business partner he'd broken his back three months prior to this happening. So I just felt responsible for all those patients. So any of the patients watching will know that I tried to see my own patients and I was already overbooked. Private practice dent plan crazy, like, crazy, crazy busy, like conveyor belt busy, and I think I thrived on that to an extent. But then add another thousand and odd patients in. There Might have been nearly a thousand and a half patients and I nearly, and I tried to carry on seeing them.
Speaker 2:Also, there was an Ardiovisit in those days and it was critical of silly things, silly things that really made no difference. And I was like do you realise? And I got very upset with him actually, and it was NHS, they were checking the cards.
Speaker 2:What we'd now do is audit and I have to get quite personally that in this time, when I was trying my very best to spin all these plates and I think it was I also had a breast cancer scare at the same time. So when you hear of someone with layers of stress, everything literally happened within a three month period. So while we were on that holiday, I was waiting for a mammogram. Thankfully it was negative, but there was that and Bering manned, I was the breadwinner at home, etc. Etc. Etc. Owned a practice, the responsibility for this staff. You can just imagine that. All those things, probably a few more things that I've forgotten, but yeah, there was a lot going on.
Speaker 1:So what happened afterwards? So were you taken to hospital then?
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually I'll tell you exactly what happened, and some people know this, not many people know this, but at the time, so it's about 14 years ago, which isn't that long ago. Okay, I think it was about 2009, 2010,. Friends will correct me that I've come up with the wrong date, but anyway, because I refused to get in the ambulance and the crisis team had been and I was like no, I'm not coming with you, because I knew they were going to give me these awful medications which, because I'm a bit of a geek, I was really good at pharmacology and especially the psychiatric medications, because I knew all the names, because my mum had taken them. I would just I'm not having that hella peregrine that causes extra pyramidal side effects. I'm not taking that. And they were like how the hell do you know that? So doctors not GPs, but doctors do not like it. When you know your stuff, they do not like it.
Speaker 2:And so I kind of refused a lot of medication and I've refused a lot of medication over the years actually and they just thought it was one off. I'd become manic because of not sleeping and actually I think it's probably similar to what ultramarathon runners become they can hallucinate and things, and it was all about this childhood stuff that was just going over and over and over in my brain at that point and I spent probably three weeks in hospital, maybe a little bit longer, and a six month recovery. After that the medication flawed me and after that quite manic episode I became quite depressed, quite low, quite flat. But again the medication that they were giving me was to counteract like psychotic busy episode and I wasn't anymore and I was still on this really heavy dude. The drugs are awful. There's nothing better, unfortunately. But the drugs are awful. They get you out of that acute phase. But the drugs are awful.
Speaker 1:So it must mean a bit lonely as well, I suppose, being on there or did you, because you did mention that some people that you knew anything about.
Speaker 2:So you sleep, so they basically knock you out is what happens, and actually it sounds like a horrific place, but actually some of it's alright, so you have your own bathroom, so it's like a hotel suite, but quite basic because it's NHS. The thing for me is the door's been locked so I think I was probably sectioned because I was really poorly, like really, really, really poorly, and for anyone listening it's not different. It was my brain that was wonky. If it had been my heart, nobody had said anything. But because it was my brain, I had to keep it quiet and not say anything to people, and that's really hard. So, yeah, it was a really tough time Going back to not getting in the ambulance.
Speaker 2:So they actually called the police and I'd lost an awful lot of weight at that point. I mean I was stick thin because I'd not eaten for so long. Also, coming back from the Dominican Republic, when I got back to the UK at the funeral I think I had really bad stomach bug so I'd not eaten and then got a stomach bug at the same time, not slept, refused getting this ambulance and at the time they called the police. A man picked me up. I will never, ever forget. So I was not on the same wavelength as we are now, but I can remember absolutely everything that happened until they gave me drugs.
Speaker 2:So I know people who deal with people with mental illness think that you won't remember. There's nothing wrong with your memory. There's nothing wrong with your memory. So the things that you say and the things that that person hears, they will remember. And I think we don't always think that. We think that because the brain's gone wonky, the whole brain's gone wonky. No, it hasn't. So I was taken to a police cell. I kid you not, because back in the day this is what happened, it doesn't happen now. And they were trying to look after me. But I felt like they were trying to protect me from the doctor at that point because I didn't want to be seen by a doctor. Lots of female police officers who were lovely, one of which because of the smell of urine. So they put you in the same cell as they would a criminal.
Speaker 1:It sounds like a prison cell, doesn't it?
Speaker 2:It is a prison cell, so they've taken you to the same bit of police that they would put a murderer in when they arrest them. That is where I was On my own. I can remember I wore my best, I'd worn my best ugly boots, I'd walked miles and miles and gone to my business partners, house, and one thing and another another story for another day. So they kept my ugly boots separately. They lost my engagement ring between the police station and the hospital, which they ended up having to buy me new one, the NHS because they lost it.
Speaker 2:I completely trusted the NHS. I was absolutely horrified when I came round and my belongings hadn't been looked after, because we worked for the NHS, right, and I've saved a 10p that a patient dropped in a tooth fairy bag before and left it on the side or in a drawer until their next visit and gave them back. You wouldn't ever, ever, ever do anything that detrimental to one of your patients or was detrimental to, and so I was really offended that they didn't look after my stuff. And to cut a long story short lots of medication, bit of talk, therapy, but very, very little, and six months later I was back at work, probably went back to work a bit too soon.
Speaker 1:During that period you get to talk to people, because obviously one of the things that I think really helps is being able to interact and that human connection. Did you get any of that during those six months, or not really?
Speaker 2:So it was really difficult. There was a really lovely nurse. So you get a nurse and she was called Ange and she was fabulous and she was a lady of colour which ticked my boxes because I love everybody who was from everywhere else and wanted to know all about her family. And she was from Jamaica and by the end of that six months I knew everything about her and I lived literally from one of Ange's visits till the next. I didn't want to be on my own, but there was no one that could be with me because when you're off during the week, everybody else is working. All my friends were working, my family were working. My little sister God bless her at that time was my rock. She was bloody fantastic and I know it was really hard for her. I promise you I won't cry, didn't I? But she's pretty special as my little sister. So she was really amazing and friends were amazing, but they were working and doing their own thing and I was much better when I was with other people.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to be on my own. In fact, one of the best things was being in a car and my ex-husband Bless His Socks, didn't really drive, was terrified of driving and what would have been really great for me on the days off would have been to be ferried around in a car. It seemed to just make my brain much happier. It was really tough. You don't go back to the psychiatrist. They've put that sticking plaster on of that medication. You crack on with it and that is your thing. I was pretty much left to my own devices in hospital.
Speaker 2:The other thing that I will say was really brilliant and I did think I wanted to do this for a career at one point Occupational therapists in mental health. So for me, art. I was really good at art at school. I think dentistry is very, very creative and I was. You know I don't do much art at home because I feel like I've given all my creativity at work now, but I think art is great, great therapy. Art is great therapy. You know that I'm in a choir now. That is brilliant therapy.
Speaker 2:When you get out of hospital, all that, most of it, is taken away. You're not in a program to do X, y and Z and for somebody who's been so busy in control of so many things, it was really, really difficult. And the other thing is that people, I don't think, understand. They think you're off enjoying yourself. Actually, you can't read a book, you can't watch television, you couldn't concentrate on a film. A telephone conversation was sometimes a bit much. I would sleep a lot from one medication to the next. Which actually was the best bit of the day was the sleeping, but I still had to get up and medicated. James was about four or five so I was having to get up sort him out. I had a brilliant child mind at the time. Sally was really really fantastic, but I didn't have parents around to help me out. There was nobody to help me out and I really at that time I couldn't really do them with it. The people that helped did what they could and they were amazing, but it was difficult. It was really, really difficult.
Speaker 1:Obviously, I'm guessing, you called your colleagues and staff.
Speaker 2:Everyone knew it was quite public. A lot of the staff knew me from growing up. I'd done my work experience in that practice that I then bought and some of the staff were still there and you know what you were saying about how you treat your staff. Our practice manager, or the leader that did most of the ordering, christine she was 69, I think when she retired. Janet was 74,. One of our receptionists, one of my nurses, was 60.
Speaker 2:And these people have been in the practice for Christine had done 40 years, janet had done 35. The Izzy had done. You know they stayed. They stayed because they knew they were well looked after and we were a family. We would fall out. We would fall out, definitely, but the staff were great. The staff were great with me and you can't really hide it. When you are that poorly, you can't really hide it. You know most of my patients knew that patients were so loyal to me I'd had this massive brain meltdown and patients stayed. I think a lot of dentists think that if the patients find out they'll have no patients. Actually, you tell somebody about your breakdown and they'll often tell you about theirs, and that's why I'm really happy to share with you things that I've probably not told anyone, because I think actually, especially with what's gone on at the weekend with that lovely lady Sinead, I think we need to be talking about this stuff and the brain is just another organ. So same as having a heart attack, it's a brain attack instead, you know.
Speaker 1:So I think obviously one of the things you mentioned at the start you want to talk about is women and women in dentistry, and why. Obviously you feel like they don't fulfil their potential and don't do that. Can you tell us a bit more about your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2:So I think it's a little bit easier than it was because there's Zoom and things, but I know we have to meet these requirements of CPD which we can now do online. Well, when I had James and he was small and I had no childcare, my husband was working shifts. How I was going to get from that course or back home in time for him being in bed or I was on call. I can remember taking him to a next door neighbour's. Again, sal and Bray were brilliant. They were there when I was really Pauline this was closer when I had been ill, taking James at about age three or four round to their house, carrying him down the stairs which I've got these hypermobile joints, and he's heavy. He was a big baby and he's big he's now six foot five, you know so that I could go down to the practice because I've been called out because the lady phoned me with her son who'd got raging too thick.
Speaker 2:And what do you do? I'm not very good at saying no to somebody who was in pain, particularly a child. Loads of my patients had my mobile number anyway. So in that day and age, when we've I mean, I've been there for 23 years, they don't call me unless they need to. You know, and the relationship I have with those patients, I really respect it. But as that clinician who you know, there's someone in pain and you're the one who's on call. What the hell do you do when you've got three real dudes in bed, your husband's on a shift, you haven't got somebody to confine. My next door neighbour had her own children who were young younger than James, I think, at the time. So what do you do? And if you haven't got that network, it's really, really difficult. And people have their own children, other women have got their own kids and I hear this all the time We've got no one around, we're not near family. It's really, really, really tough. It's really tough.
Speaker 2:And I did my. I did a lot of Paul Titton's courses. I think he's a brilliant teacher. But I had not very well planned, got pregnant in the middle of my implant course and asked if I could move it back. Could I defer it from where I got to? No, so I had to carry on. I think at the time it was about four grand that course. I think patients don't realise if you're watching patients, we spend a lot of money on our education post-gradually. I think patients don't realise, when you're paying for one of my crowns, you're paying for all those years' experience plus all the post-graduate stuff that we've done and we've got to do going forward. And so I ended up taking James with me.
Speaker 2:My joint's got even worse when I was pregnant, so carrying big folders into the centre of Manchester that were heavy with a pelvis that wasn't connected to each other, walking from one train station to the other no disrespect for Paul, because I really like him, but he didn't make it easy for me. I actually ended up taking James on the courses because I was breastfeeding, pump-pump milk. I didn't want to give him bottle milk, you know, carton milk or In fact he wouldn't have taken a bottle. It was a nightmare. My son so bless him he's been to all of Paul Tipton's courses, loads and loads and loads of him, and I took him with me and I fed him under the table because you know, and now I kept that baby quiet in all those lectures I'll never, never know and I don't think he got the best out of them.
Speaker 2:My implant course I did the restorative. Some of those patients are still wearing those restorative prostheses Now. A couple of them had him repaired since, so the work was good. They've been in 20. Well, 18 years James was 18 last week and the nurses bless them were amazing on that clinic and they looked after James while I treated patients. And then you won't know this because you're a guy, but when you are breastfeeding a child it is basically like needing a wee. It is an emergency to feed that child. You've got so much milk and you can hear him crying and it's going to be everywhere. So in between patients I'm running out Hot bothered feeding my baby. In between patients.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Because nobody else can do that job for you and I didn't have a mum who could come and watch him and they wouldn't let me defer. So what choice did I have? I just think we could make it easy for our women, we could make it easy for our nurses and we could make it easy for our women in dentistry. I think it's getting better. But you've gone an implant course now and I've just done several, as you know, and there's not that many women there because they're at home looking after the kids, and that's where we should be really. But how do we change the dynamic?
Speaker 2:I'm sure there are ways of doing it, and I'm in a group called Women in Implant Dentistry now and I think, great, there's a course on Thursday next week at half past six. Oh, it's in London and I work in Yorkshire. I've got an 18-year-old and while I wasn't around for him being young, I want to be there now. If he wants to live somewhere, if he needs something. I want to be there because he's going to remember this from being 18. And he needs the support I think. So I think some of the courses where you have to attend in person actually can't we make that webinar, especially when it's called Women in Implant Dentistry. Why can't, is it Women in London in Implant Dentistry? Because those of us who leave miles away, we're going to be struggling. We're going to be struggling to get there.
Speaker 2:So I think, making things more accessible starting things at 10 o'clock in the morning so you can have got your kids to school. I think it's things that we need to think about. 50% of the workforce is now women. I think it's higher.
Speaker 1:Actually I've read, but I usually remember in my year there were actually more women than men in the year and I think you're right. I think they do need to help. One of the things and I know this isn't right but a lot of practice owners because women most work part-time etc. They're not as productive, they're reluctant to take on women because they go on maternity leave, things like that, and I think that's very, very wrong and it's very, very sad that people think like that. But I suppose they're looking at it from their business productivity sense. But I think some of the best dentists are women, to be honest.
Speaker 2:You asked the patients who was the most empathetic, who was going to make sure you're always comfortable, who make not always the best nurses, because I know there's fantastic male nurses as well but the patients might not say to the dentist, but they'll say to the nurse, they'll have a quiet word with the nurse or the receptionist. They'll say things to the other people that they won't say to you. They say to me my patients don't hold back, there's nothing they won't say to me. But I've built that relationship and I knew a lot of them before and in the community. They know my son gets quite embarrassed because he says it's like you're an infamous mum, because we can't go anywhere without someone knowing me. But I think you're absolutely right. We make bloody good dentists. Women are conscientious, women are. We're always going to go the extra mile. You know, when I was, when I earned the practice with my business partner, if he was sat here now he would agree with the fact that I was the one on the ground doing the work, the hard work, who did all the laundry. And COVID, you know he did it when he could. He was working in a hospital but he was more of a sleeping partner than a. You know he wasn't on the ground working and I think women can be extremely productive. And I know and I was an associate before, I was a partner there and he would sit here he burnt me a bloody lot of money over the years. You know I worked bloody hard. I was working eight in the morning till eight at night, often as my nurses would qualify, and this was when James was small. I was still putting the hours in. So I think we need to change our mindset a little bit Again. For me it's the quality of care, it's not just and playing the long game. Those women will earn the money for you, especially if they're really supported and they're always going to be conscientious and they're probably not going to move around a lot because they don't want to move the kids around. But how naive of those practice owners that they don't want to support women, because I think we've got masses to offer.
Speaker 2:I work in a practice where there's only One of the practices is only a couple of guys. One of the practices it's all women. That practice is just women and I love it there. And I work with lots of dentists because I do sedation, as you know, and some of those women, amazing. I learn from all those practitioners that I work with. I'm just going to give a massive shout-out as well to UK sedation because I learn so much from them. I do a bit of independent sedation myself and I do loads with UK sedation. It's my favourite practices and my UK sedation practices. So, rob and Roy and all the guys, you've taught me so much. All the time we have a group chat where we're learning, so I just promised them a massive shout-out to any dentists that want someone to come and do sedation for the UK sedation Sorry, I just had to get that in and this partner would be working for them as well.
Speaker 1:Brilliant, brilliant. So one of the things you did mention when we first started this conversation, you mentioned how your own personal struggles has really helped you become a better sedationist and use hypnosis.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, I think it's a true.
Speaker 1:Other thing Tell us about how you think that's helped you.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm going to mention a few books, because I wrote some notes down before we came on there. So anyone who's been through trauma, who doesn't want to go down the professional route and I wish I'd known this when I was younger some really really really good books and some really really really good research. Now, for me, psychiatry is a sticking plaster. They give you a pill. Psychology is amazing. Psychology hypnosis now is. I was asking for hypnosis when I was on the psychiatric ward. They were looking at me as if I was an alien. I know now from being part of UK sedation and going and doing hypnosis courses and things at Royal College of Medicine. Hypnosis has now been used in psychiatry. It's brilliant, you know. So there's some books that my psychologist said to me.
Speaker 2:There's a lady called Edith Eager who became a psychologist in her 40s. She was one of the survivors of the concentration camps and you'll see her advertised on sometimes on Facebook. She is amazing and she talks about forgiveness and she talks about her journey and how you can look at things and think that I'm weak, your glass is half empty. Or you can look at everything that happened to me and think do you know what that's made me, who I am and actually there's great positives there. My dad, for example, who could fly off the handle, really forced me to continue with my education and make sure that I was. You know. If my handwriting wasn't right, he would tell me about it. I would get that feedback when I came home from a parents' evening. Being a stickler sometimes is really important. So I think your journey and what's happened to you you can look at it from a really negative point of view. Sometimes it's really difficult. Trauma can be so awful it's difficult to find any positives, but for me that lady and the stuff that she went through now that is what they dealt with was inhumane. It really, really was. And she's come out of that and she went back to concentration camps. Her books are brilliant, worth looking out for. So Edith Eager, read about her. There's a book called the Body Keeps a Score by a guy called. I'm gonna have to read it off the paper because Bessel van der Kult is called the Body Keeps a Score and that talks about different strategies in trauma care and actually what happens to the brain.
Speaker 2:I'm a bit fascinated with neurology as well. If I could go back and do another degree, that's a conversation I'm always having with myself. I'd have really liked to have gone back and done medicine and I am always waiting to be husband about that in those. I'd quite like to go back and do psychology and I'd love to go and do neurology or neurobiology the study of trauma and how it affects things. I find it absolutely fascinating Louise Hay. She was a psychologist and she's written a book which I actually have on Audible, which I used to listen to actually in the psychiatric unit.
Speaker 2:So no, I didn't get much talking therapy. I listened to Louise Hay and it's called you Can Heal Yourself Words to that Effect, and she's passed away now, but she was a psychologist and I think she's passed away now, but she was brilliant, really brilliant. And again, if you've got patients who've gone through trauma because people do disclose to others dentists, sometimes you need, if they don't want to go and seek professional help, what can they do? She's really good. And then when the body says, no, that's Gabba Maté and he does things on YouTube and how the trauma can affect your body later in life and it's the elevated cortisol levels that do a lot of the damage actually and a lot of people who've been through a lot of trauma really suffer with the physical health, because we think the body and the mind are completely separate, and they're really not and those hormones affect our physical body as well. And I think you know some yoga, some meditation all those are great therapies that you can do on your own for trauma.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because stress is actually a silent killer. We don't really know how it's impacting our bodies and it's great to learn. So tell us a little bit about tips and how you stay. You know fresh kind of thing or helps you. As you know, we're always on holiday.
Speaker 2:We're always on holiday. So my husband says to me do you want to go? So? And so I am very, very fortunate Chris and I only met well. We met about five years ago through a friend of ours who worked mine well, she will be, she'll be mortified A lady called Sue Wilkinson. It was one of the anaesthetists that I worked with on the kids ward. I used to do the accidental list up at Huddersfield and it's brutal and brilliant, a lot of brilliant anaesthetists. So I'm still proud to say my friends from that experience and Sue and I just clicked really good friends and my husband's friends with her. They met at Oxford. One thing and another, and I'm really sorry I've gone down that rabbit hole. I don't know where we are.
Speaker 1:You were just saying how you met your husband Sue.
Speaker 2:sorry, please do Met him and he's recently as well. He's had a couple of parental bereavements. As you know, in what I wrote, phil, it was his anniversary either last weekend or this weekend. My partner that has esophageal cancer, so I've been down that road as well. That was highly traumatic. So we've both had a really rough time and actually now I'm like right, we're going to enjoy ourselves. So we go away whenever we can. We're very fortunate. We've got a home in Lonserrotti, which this year our friends have used more than us, because we just haven't got there, because we've just had too many things. Chris really likes a very loud band called Ramstein, who are German and there's lots of power techniques and stuff Came back last year. I've had a bit of an accident on the website, so he booked three of these concerts. So that explains three of our holidays. That was Vilnius, munich and this weekend Bruges and Brussels. Yoga, yoga for me, absolutely brilliant.
Speaker 2:If I do have a mental health wobble now, because I'm very, very pleased to say that for a very long time I'm not medicated I have medication in the house if I need it, I have phone numbers for who I can contact and I always make sure my difficulty has been I've known that I was going downhill and I couldn't get back in the system. It's really difficult If you're struggling really badly. You know really severe mental health. It is really the system is the poor cousin even compared to NHS dentistry. They're really struggling and it's really difficult to get back into that system because it's so overstretched. It's knowing who to call, it's knowing what to say and I actually make sure my GP's. Now I have the medication at home and if I haven't slept a few nights I'll be having a tablet If I've started to get anxious and I haven't slept for a few nights. Hello, lost you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sorry, I think the signal was going. Are you still there?
Speaker 2:I'm still here.
Speaker 1:My picture's moved. Yeah, we can still hear you, that's fine.
Speaker 2:So yoga, meditation, walking the dogs I'm training the dogs. So I've got we've got a cruel yorky. Blessed that we're rescued. And a massive shout out to my little dog trainer, woodlum Whispers, because we've struggled with behavioral problems with the dog and so I'm out training the dogs most evenings because I'm determined to keep that going. Good time and quality of friendships and communication and I know york very hot on this is really really, really, really vital. I've cut down at work a lot. I don't have the practice anymore. I do the things that I like doing and I'm actually really enjoying dentistry again.
Speaker 2:You know that I went to Brazil to do the implant course and I never thought I'd do it. So sometimes doing new things. We get a bit stuck in dentistry, sometimes doing new things. I went to do the Brazil course not thinking that I'd be very good at it and actually I smashed it. I really, really enjoyed it. Big shout out to implant success. And also Delta Dental Down in Bristol where I've done some endo training, and with Alfonso Rio as well. Their basic implant course really set me up for going out to Brazil.
Speaker 2:So doing new things. I'm always on the course. I'm always learning. I feel like I've not quite got to where I want to be because you give up so much as a woman when you have your children. Quite rightly so, and I don't regret any of that, but quite rightly so. So for me, audible audio books, meditation, headspace is great at for dentists anybody listening. I know one of my patients who I recommended it to actually ended up coming off his blood pressure medication. That's how much stress can affect you. It's massive. So, yeah, all those little flowery things really that I do.
Speaker 1:What does the future then hold for you, both professionally and personally? Oh?
Speaker 2:that's a big one, isn't it? Well?
Speaker 1:if you like to be, well, if you like to be I think I'll go and do medicine.
Speaker 2:Thankfully it's not in the room because it'd be going. No, you're not doing that. Oh, I really want to get. So if I could choose what I was going to do, my dentistry that I really really like. I find general is hard work and I think, because it affects your back and your shoulders and your hands, I find general hard work now. So for me, if I could just do endodontics, implants, sedation, maybe a bit of oral surgery, spending more time in our Lansarote house and making sure my son gets to where he's going to be I don't know what he's going to do because he's awaiting a level results but supporting him onto his next part of his journey. And you know that I do loads of charity work. So I'm going to have to shout out to my the charity that I'm trustee of. And they kind of rescued me really in lockdown when we couldn't work because I really struggled with not being able to help my patients and not being able to run the practice in COVID.
Speaker 2:So focus for hope in Brighouse. So the work we do we feed the homeless, we look after women who are fleeing from domestic violence and get them set up in the home, literally provide everything for them that we can. So we'll put curtains up. I've done DIY. I'm a rapid DIY, but I've been there and that's where I think some of this trauma training has been really useful, in that some of these poor women they've never got out of that cycle. They would abuse their children. They've never got out of it. You know they're then abused by their husband, often abused by other people as well, and you hear these stories. So focus for hope.
Speaker 2:We did food parcels and we delivered them to both the elderly and the vulnerable and families who were struggling, people who couldn't afford food, people who couldn't get to the shops. We did pharmacy deliveries you name it, we did it. We did homeless feeds. We did and we're still doing the homeless feeds now and all these things make you very, very humble. And Louise Reed, our CEO, and the chairman, olivia just amazing people. We've now got a charity shop called Replenishing Brigham house where it's a lot of designer stuff that comes in and people are very, very, very generous and it just allows us to do so much more work and help out the food bank.
Speaker 2:I've been a rubbish volunteer this year because we've been on holiday too much, but hopefully in the back end of the year I'll do a bit more for the food bank as well, because the food bank in Ellen I just know that there's a massive need there, massive, massive, massive need. And there's families that are really struggling, especially at this time, and it's people who you wouldn't think that are struggling as well. And there's people who are also off sick, either with mental health or COVID. Both of those charities help out. So if I wanted to give up work tomorrow as a dentist, I know Louise would find me a full time job in focus for hope doing whatever. I'd be knackered and my back had go up with lifting all the stuff. But we run sort of a social supermarket now so that people can buy a very reasonable cost food, so that they can choose themselves and be more independent, which I think is really lovely. I'm going to have forgotten loads of major stuff that we do, but yeah, my charity work is really, really, really important to me.
Speaker 1:Excellent, brilliant, what you know. It's really interesting how you've interlinked everything, so all of your own traumas you're trying to heal and all the things that you went to your healing. So it's fantastic. So do you remember the?
Speaker 2:conversation you had with John Gibson, who you know has got his charities massively close to my heart, because I know a lot of families who've suffered with death by suicide, including my own. My maternal grandfather was sadly a victim of suicide and he was talking about giving back, honestly, the stuff that I do with the charities. I've not been to three trustee meetings. I've been really rubbish because I've either been working or we've been abroad and the time differences and one thing and another. But what he was saying really resonated with me in that, honestly, I come out of that room glowing. We also do work with the elderly to. So we do afternoon teas in the summer, we do reminiscent cinema and they're very inclusive. So if people are suffering with dementia, they're allowed to come and we'll look after them. And I've been the tea lady. Believe me, those elderly ladies most of the ladies, not all of the ladies how much tea can they drink, lifting that tea kettle? How much. You cannot believe how much cake and tea a room full of the elderly can put away. Well, they're not the elderly that our seniors. Now we're not allowed to call them the elderly anymore. But I don't know if I told you as well, I work in a nursing home, so I've got that background of real care and real wisdom with the elderly and I like the stories I've got to tell. So that's the other thing as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what John said really, really resonated with me and actually if I could be involved with what he does, I'd be absolutely honoured to be involved with that, because I think there's a lot of scope for it, especially with how we are in dentistry. We know that there's many dentists who've been lost to suicide and I treat the mother of one of our local dentists who was lost to suicide and come into the dentist. We love each other, she and I, but it's traumatic for her because her daughter used to do it, and how can you fill that gap? You can't. So I think we need, and that's why I think these women need, to be looked after, and I think that's why some of the principles in dentistry need to change, because the reason that the mental health crisis is so big in dentistry is because of the way we've been encouraged to work and I hate to say it by the NHS and that conveyor belt system Trying to pay for surgeries, buildings, staff, materials. One of the major worries when I own the practice was the stuff that we really, really needed and we wanted to be five star. Make no bones about it. The patients know I was under Trevor Burke. I started my MSc with Trevor Burke many, many years ago. It's nine years ago actually. I never finished it, god bless him. But I like 3M stuff. It's tested, it's regulated, it's fantastic materials, but it's really, really, really expensive. And I think how we work, we need to look at how we work and we need to make sure that we look after our people, because there are everything. Our staff are everything, our work forces everything.
Speaker 2:I think many women leave and we've talked about this as well. At my age I've known a lot of women leave dentistry because they're not supported in menopause and it's a massive thing. We're stressed, our hormones fall massively. I reckon, if you did a study and there's probably a PhD there that women who work in dentistry probably menopause happens earlier. Dentists, I think, may be hygienists, I think practice manageresses, maybe even because we are under that much pressure that our hormones fall very, very rapidly. And we didn't learn about it, as I've said to you before, we didn't learn about it at dental school, didn't learn about it at medical school. We don't know what's happening to us. It's happening to our staff, it's happening to our patients, and there needs to be a conversation there as well to help these women Brilliant.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for coming on this show. It was thoroughly inspirational. I really really enjoyed that. Do you have any lasting thoughts you want to give to the viewers before we end this?
Speaker 2:Just for me. I know there'll be loads of my friends listening and they know who they are, the people that have supported me. It's not who your friends are when you're cracking open the champagne bottles, it's who your friends are when you're sitting in that psychiatric ward sedated. I had a queue of people, which is extremely unusual. They had to timetable the visitors. That's very, very, very unusual. And those people who supported me then I'll never, ever forget.
Speaker 1:Brilliant, brilliant. It's a great legacy that you've left and you can tell because of the number of people that support you and follow you and love what you hear, and I hope everyone who's listening here is inspired by you what an amazing human being and I hope. Oh, bless you, the greatest thing you do. So thanks guys for watching. That was the last episode of this series. Take care, guys. Enjoy the rest of your evening. I'll see you soon. Take care, thanks, bye.